Lifetime Made a Pickleball Movie — and No One In It Can Actually Play Pickleball

There's a lot more pickleball played in Lifetime's 'A Pickleball Christmas' movie than I was expecting. And all of it is bad.

Last night, I coughed up $3 to Amazon to stream Lifetime's new movie, "A Pickleball Christmas."

So you don't have to? Maybe. But if I'm being honest, I didn't hate it as much as I feared.

If you're looking for a quick, fun holiday-themed romance, there could be something here for you. The plot's predictably entertaining. The acting is believable enough. A few lines might even get a chuckle.

If you're tuning in for the pickleball... run away. Run far, far away.

Saving Sandy Lake Racquet Club

Let's quickly review the plot (heads up: spoilers throughout):

Luke wins his final pro tennis match and immediately announces his retirement
He returns home to Florida with plans of taking over the family business, the Sandy Lake Racquet Club
The club's in trouble. COVID hit it hard, now developers want to turn it into condos
Club pro Caroline has a plan: host a huge pickleball tournament to help raise enough funds to keep the business alive
The event needs some star power, so Luke agrees to lend his fame
But the new sponsors don't want him hosting, they want him playing
Luke and Caroline decide to team up
If they win, the prize money is enough to save Sandy Lake Racquet Club

Luke, of course, is a tennis purist disgusted at the mere sight of pickleball courts. The thought of actually playing is preposterous.

When he first meets Caroline, he throws out this zinger:

"I'm a tennis player. I'm not going to join this glorified Zumba class named after the worst ingredient on a sandwich."

It's a cringey line. It's far from the last.

Does Lifetime know anything about pickleball?

Let's be honest, we're all here for the pickleball. And Lifetime clearly Googled "pickleball rules" enough to get the basics right.

Caroline, played by Zibby Allen, is a pretty convincing coach. And there are moments when she's describing the sport that are nicely done.

But true to form, the movie has to accomplish an awful lot in 90 minutes – presumably introducing a foreign sport to its loyal audience – and doesn't miss a single pickleball trope in the process.

Luke (James Lafferty) must be taught the sport in just two weeks in order to compete in the tournament.

The ensuing lessons hit every pickleball cliche in rapid succession: the silly name, the kitchen, dinking, bangers, drop-shots, old people, the fastest-growing sport in America... the list goes on.

There is a redemptive moment when Caroline confesses to Luke on a park bench that she lost her mom to ALS five years ago and discovered pickleball while out on a mental health walk:

"I know pickleball is kind of silly and it's supposed to be for old people and the sound of the ball has been annoying neighbors across the country, but it's given me friends, structure, community, and a reason to get out and see people."

We're not tearing up. You are.

There are some extremely maddening moments

This isn't a movie for pickleball fanatics. It's a Christmas romcom capitalizing on pickleball's popularity to hook hordes of new viewers.

That's the only reason I'm here. Checkmate, Lifetime. But it doesn't mean I won't pick the plot apart when it comes to the actual on-court play.

Let me be clear: the on-court play is an abomination.

There's a lot more pickleball played in this movie than I was expecting. And all of it is bad.

Not a single shot is hit with anything approaching proper technique. It's almost like the actors' notes said to make every swing look as unnatural as possible.

If this was supposed to be a bunch of beginners, totally fine! Love that for them. But it's not. Caroline is the club pro who's been playing for five years. And the tournament is advertised as attracting the top players from across the country.

A few other lowlights:

Caroline forgets she's supposed to be teaching a class. She rushes out to the court to find Luke in her place, clipboard in hand. Luke is a terrible player and knows nothing about technique. He's barely played himself, now he's instructing others? Frankly, insulting.
At one point, Luke and Caroline play a mother-and-son duo in a grudge match. Three of the players on the court are supposed to be among the club's best. They are all 2.5s at best.
All the actors are terrible at pickleball. Just really, really bad. None of them have played the sport before, or appear to have done any prep whatsoever for this film. It doesn't look like they have any racket sport experience at all, in fact. It's painful to watch.
At one point Luke hits an overhead and proceeds to just stroll right into the kitchen. That's a fault, bro. Get out of here.
The big tournament scene pits Luke and Caroline against Luke's tennis arch-nemesis and his cousin – a three-time pickleball champion on the Southern Florida country club circuit – in the gold medal match. During the game-winning dink rally, at 14-13-2, Luke and Caroline have their plot-culminating heart-to-heart chat. Right on the court. Because such "high-level" pickleball is just that easy.

The cringiest moment of them all

The big, club-saving pickleball tournament is a calamity. Every single shot is a dead dink pop-up or would have sailed long by 10 feet. I was told these would be best players in the country. They are not.

But there's one moment that's just so painfully cringey it threatens to unravel "A Pickleball Christmas" entirely.

Female announcer: "Oh! And what an Erne by Luke Hollis! And the crowd is loving it."
Later, Caroline: "That was insane. An Erne bodybag, where did you learn that?"
Luke: "I saw it on YouTube once."
Caroline: "I'm going to be out of a job soon."

Sounds awesome, right? Luke really got his act together. Sadly, no:

The shot that Luke hit was not an Erne. Nor was it a bodybag. Not even a little bit. It was a horrifically executed backhand dink that in no universe would have resulted in a winner.
But the worst part: they don't pronounce it "Erne," they're saying "EARN" instead – I listened back to this a dozen times, mouth agape, disgusted.

I've never made a movie. But if I was tackling a subject I knew nothing about, I'd definitely immerse myself in the subject, maybe run the script by an expert – or ChatGPT – to make sure nothing was horribly amiss.

So should you watch "A Pickleball Christmas"?

Honestly, yes. At the very least it'll make you feel a hell of a lot better about your own game.